She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
