It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize