my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
