As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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