And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
