I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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