how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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