and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
