My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
