Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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