Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
