seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
