Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
