Duck Duck Cougar?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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