JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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