i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize