i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
