hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
did you just send me my own nude
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
These tits shall not be calmed
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
