woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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