no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize