Yo dont text me then not text me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
