Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
