last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
