I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
