I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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