A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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