so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
