nut hugger
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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