Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
