my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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