We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I know her cup size but not her name....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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