This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think people are normalizing furries
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
