eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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