Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize