ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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