U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
