we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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