We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
