drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
