I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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