The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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