Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
