i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
