I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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