I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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