the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize