He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
