He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
