Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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