I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the day after is always just damage control
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
