If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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