i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
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