did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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