i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
