i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
