All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
