I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
