I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Drunk is a universal language darling
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
