But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
