oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
