I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
