just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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