I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
