Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
