he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
