Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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