I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
