she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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