i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
