So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
