Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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