My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
