She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
