she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
