WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
