I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
