i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
