I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
