i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
