Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
