the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
