What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
