I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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