dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize