Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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