There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
how drunk are you?
Several
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
