apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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