I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize